"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." - 1 Peter 3:1-6 NASBThis one took me several days to parse out. There's a lot here. I still don't know if I am completely satisfied with what I have written, but I don't want it to prevent me from further study so here goes...
This passage follows right on the heels of what we talked about in the last post. Peter's instructions to servants, and how they should be subject to masters both cruel and kind, are immediately followed by these instructions to wives, and then to husbands. It is a continuation of the final thoughts of chapter 2. The chapter and verse markers were not added until centuries later, so this should be read as connected to, and not separate from, the previous chapter. You can see this clearly because this chapter begins with the words "in the same way" referring back to the instructions he just gave. He's saying that wives are to adopt the same spirit of willful submission regardless of circumstances that he admonished servants to in the previous chapter. Peter does not defend the wrongful treatment of women here by any means, but he does point out that the Christ-like way to live is to humbly submit and love no matter how we are treated.
Peter is not commanding that wives be controlled, Peter is asking of wives the same thing He asked of servants in the last chapter: for submission out of a willing heart because God asks for it. He calls wives to be long-suffering, submitting to both the loving husband who believes the Word, and the husband who does not. This is definitely not an easy task. Peter comments on how if a wife adopts this attitude and is loving and subject to her husband in deed and attitude, there is power in that.
This is the same way that Christ modeled submission to us. We are called to emulate Him. Christ while being crucified, did not open His mouth and deliver lengthy explanation after explanation of why He was innocent. He had confidence in God's plan and knew where He stood with God. He submitted Himself to those before Him and His attitude gave the Romans pause. Instead of calling out "Can't you see that I am innocent?!" which would have been a very expected reaction to His accusations, Jesus' trial was unusual in that He was humble and silent. Have you ever noticed in your own life that the minute someone begins to get defensive, the more guilty they sound? I think the Romans were used to hearing all kinds of guilty men plead their innocence to avoid the torture of crucifixion, but when the Jews placed false accusations on Christ, He stood there quietly. This was different and I think Pilate picked up on this. Pilate could not find any fault with Him; He had not broken Roman law, and He was not convinced that He had broken Jewish law either. But because Pilate was sure that the Jews demanding Christ's death would revolt, and not wanting to have a rebellion on his hands, He agreed to the Jews demands and put Christ to death unjustly. And afterwards, Pilate washed his hands of the responsibility because he did not believe Jesus was guilty after having stood face to face with him. Christ suffered because He allowed Himself to be subject to the Romans, but really, He was submitting to God and placing His life in God's hands. His final words reflect this: "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." In the same way, Peter is calling wives to place themselves in a position of trusting God where they may encountering suffering because of their unbelieving husband.
Let's explore the scenario Peter posits in the first few verses. A woman becomes a Christian after she is already married, and her husband is not a Christian. Peter says that a wife can minister to her unbelieving husband by her attitude and the way she acts towards him; by submitting to him. If the wife is committed to emulating Christ, then the way she interacts with her husband changes. This change will be noticeable. There is a reason why people say that actions speak louder than words. I've been married for just over a year now and in this last year I have learned so many ways in which I am selfish on a daily basis. Our first instinct is to do whatever it takes to get what we want. Submission is laying this instinct down and viewing the other person's will and desires as more important than our own. This is a message Christ teaches over and over again, not just to wives, but to all people, "love your neighbor as yourself." This is just another iteration of that command, but brought into the specific focus of marriage. And so, if a wife is living this way, continually laying herself down, being patient and kind to her husband, he should notice this. Peter says it will speak to the man and show him Christ; that he could be won over to the faith by the testimony of the attitude of his wife. That is pretty cool.
Peter references how Sarah called Abraham lord, which was an honorific showing that she placed him above herself, and so she would follow his lead. Abraham was a good man. Later in the same chapter referenced above, you can see a glimpse of his humility, but he was not a perfect man, and there were times when Sarah even followed his lead into bad situations. Their foray into Egypt comes to mind. Abraham told Sarah to tell everyone she was his sister and not his wife because she was pretty and he didn't want them to kill him and take her from him. Pharaoh thought she was beautiful and invited her to live in the palace and almost ended up becoming pharaoh's wife, but then God bailed them out, but Sarah did not lose respect for Abraham, she did not call him a coward and leave him, she continued to support him. Sarah could have gone against Abraham's wishes in the first place and not called herself his sister, but she didn't. She followed Abraham even though He was wrong. Do I think that means that women should not speak up in a marriage if they see their partner about to make a mistake? No, but I do think that Christ wants the attitude of the heart to remain loving and forgiving when a mistake is made. Maybe neither the husband nor the wife saw it coming, in that case, both parties should be quick to forgive, and if the man was at fault, the wife should still be willing to follow him in the future even though he messed up. God's perfect intention for marriage is that both the wife and the husband are to be living as Christ, continually laying themselves down for the other, but unfortunately that does not always happen. But when one half, either husband or wife is failing, that does not give the other half permission to throw in the towel and start acting in kind. It comes back to our theme here; Christ calls us to live like Him despite how we are treated.
Ok so we've talked about wives, we'll talk about husbands in the next post. This is not a one-way street.
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